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Anonymous asked: How can you tell when straight women (i.e. Married to a male) are hitting on you, or attracted to you. I gave gut feelings, but can't really tell. It's a work situation (coworkers) so don't want to just talk about it even though that would be best.
Sometimes straight women like to flirt with women they know are queer, because it feels both titillating and safe. Some women just have more flirtatious styles of communicating, especially with other women because they don’t expect it to be taken the “wrong” way. That said, just because your coworker is married to a man, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s straight and/or monogamous. It’s possible she’s feeling you out for a romp, or is simply bicurious. If you’re out at work, it’s possible she may be testing the waters for all sorts of things, whether a fling or just curiosity.
There’s no real way to know other than talking about it. If you’re interested, you’ll have to talk. I don’t usually recommend cagey communication, but since this is work, you can try to get more information without being too forthright. If you’re already friendly, perhaps ask about her marriage, her hobbies, or her social circle.
If you’re not interested or she’s making you uncomfortable, try to shut it down gently/casually (e.g. “I keep really strict work/personal life boundaries” “I’m not interested in dating anyone right now”).
Finally, depending on where you live and your overall workplace environment, you should be mindful of the various rules about disciplinary action based on sexuality. Unfortunately, it’s still legal to fire people for their sexuality in many states, so be sure to take care of yourself first before engaging with your coworker.
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Anonymous asked: im about to hook up with a girl for the first time. and we dont really know eachother. any tips?
My number one tip is talk about it! Talk about what she likes, what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re nervous about, and what you want. Contrary to popular belief, good sex between near-strangers generally requires communication, even more so when it’s between women. Even if we’re sharing the same general equipment, we all like different things. And even if you’ve been with a hundred people, everyone’s body will respond differently to your touch. So ask, and check in.
It doesn’t have to sound like a job interview. It can be whispered as you’re making out, flirtation as you’re headed back to her place, or a fun game. The whole point of communicating is to learn how to give each other pleasure. Checking in doesn’t have to end after you get naked, either. When you try something new, if she has an ambiguous response, ask if she likes it, or what should would like instead.
On your end, don’t be afraid to speak up. It can be hard to ask for what we want, whether it’s spanking or for her to move off your hair. But you set the tone in the bedroom, so speaking up will give her permission to do the same. Speaking up doesn’t always have to be about constructive criticism. Often, we keep compliments to ourselves, too. If she smells good, you love the way she kisses, or she looks sexy in that outfit, or whatever, tell her. A little acknowledgement goes a long way.
Finally, keep your sense of adventure and humor. You might be awkward together. That’s okay. Nothing’s wrong. Sex is complicated and often silly. Roll with it, and have fun.